A Widowers Search for Meaning in Life's Late Afternoon

This is a new blog. For those of you who followed my widower's journey, this will be a new experience. In this space I will try to make sense of this end of life's journey.  There is still much to do, and I do feel as though I can still be useful and make a contribution to life and to humanity.

I recently experienced a wrenching cardiac experience requiring a rather involved procedure. This came in the second year of grieving for my departed beloved wife.  There are many people who, throughout the process, expressed the idea that I had been through a lot these last years, and, while that may be true, I find myself not in the least depressed or feeling sorry for myself.

Life can be a battle sometimes. Life can deal some profoundly crummy cards. But just as often, if you are paying attention, it can deal some exceptional hands which, if played well, can be wonderful.  While I certainly miss my beloved wife to the core of my being, these days I am just as likely to have a happy thought about her as a sad one. Something funny she said, some endearing and lasting wonder of her magnificent personality. But as my friend Bob pointed out, the painful part of the loss seems to be getting further and further away. Also factoring into the 'loss' equation is the idea that it was an honor to be able to care for her when she needed me to. Perhaps that is why I was put here. Throughout our twenty some years together, she always made me want to be the 'best me' that I could, but while I cared for her, I really tried hard to be the 'very best me' I could be.  She deserved that.  I wanted her to know how much she was loved, respected, valued and cherished. And I do think I pulled it off.

So I can go forward with some level of equanimity. I can make decisions that even 6 months ago I could not. She will always be in my (somewhat troublesome) heart.

I will deal with many subjects in this blog, and I hope there will be some words in here that will be of value to all who read this.  I will deal with the practical as well as the existential.  The joyful as well as the sorrowful.

But for now, all I can say to all of you is thank you. Your kindness, your support, your friendship have brought me through. Through not only the death of my beloved, but also all the other bizarre traumas that life offers from time to time.  My only hope is that I will have the opportunity to return some of the magnificent favors you all have granted me.

Cheers,

MPC:10-16-2016